Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was like eating out sand paper
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
