just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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