hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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