I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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