Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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