Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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