so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
