I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
