i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
