After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize