I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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