I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
