i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
