Already got asked if we're dating
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
