How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
