she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm always down for nudity.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
