I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
