sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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