turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
