I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My ass is underappreciated
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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