yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
