Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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