i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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