NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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