he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
