I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
