Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
