My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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