did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
