There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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