found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
