Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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