We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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