It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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