it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
