i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
