Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
