If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
