question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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