I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
