nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
me + whiskey = a bad person
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
