he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
