tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
