I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
