I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize