Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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