1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
