I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
