ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
