I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
