2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
