At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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