I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
