yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
