What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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