Got a toothbrush?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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