I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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