I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
