I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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