True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize