Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
