That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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