I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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