my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
