So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
