you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
