seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is the high leading the old right now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize